Daily Fortunes

Sep 11, 2016

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got...
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright

I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so...
I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it won't do too much damage if it catches fire or explodes. First you decide which direction your hot tub should face for maximum solar energy. After much trial and error, I have found that the best direction for...

I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went...
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun. Well, just last week I was at a Chinese restaurant and when I opened my fortune cookie I found the guy's check sitting at the next table...

I think we're all Bozos on this bus. --...
I think we're all Bozos on this bus. -- Firesign Theatre

I thought there was something fishy about the butler. Probably...
I thought there was something fishy about the butler. Probably a Pisces, working for scale. -- Firesign Theatre, "The Further Adventures of Nick Danger"

Daily Fortunes for Sep 11, 2016

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