Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of August, 2012

To communicate is the beginning of understanding...
To communicate is the beginning of understanding. -- AT&T

"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger...
"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a quavering voice. "No," said GoodGulf, "but I can. The letters are Elvish, of course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which I will...

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.

He thought he saw an albatross That fluttered 'round...
He thought he saw an albatross That fluttered 'round the lamp. He looked again and saw it was A penny postage stamp. "You'd best be getting home," he said, "The nights are rather damp."

If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.

In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your...
In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey...
The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. -- Andy Warhol

As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if...
As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if you know its true name. -- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie

Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me...
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me. -- Aristophanes