Daily Fortunes

Feb 17, 2017

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked...
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" -- Steven Wright

I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. -- Groucho...
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. -- Groucho Marx

I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on...
I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as...
I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member. -- Groucho Marx

I'll be comfortable on the couch. Famous last words...
I'll be comfortable on the couch. Famous last words. -- Lenny Bruce

Daily Fortunes for Feb 17, 2017

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