Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday March 10, 2017

Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with...
Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking...

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

There was an old lady of Glascow, Whose party proved quite...
There was an old lady of Glascow, Whose party proved quite a fiasco. At nine-thirty, about, The lights all went out, Through a lapse on the part of the Gas Co.

There was an old lady of Kewry Whose cunt was a `lusus...
There was an old lady of Kewry Whose cunt was a `lusus naturae': The `introitus vaginae', Was unnaturally tiny, And the thought of it filled her with fury.

My uncle was the town drunk -- and we lived in Chicago...
My uncle was the town drunk -- and we lived in Chicago. -- George Gobel

Police: Good evening, are you the host? Host: No. Police:...
Police: Good evening, are you the host? Host: No. Police: We've been getting complaints about this party. Host: About the drugs? Police: No. Host: About the guns, then? Is somebody complaining about the guns? Police: No, the noise. Host: Oh,...