Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday March 7, 2017

For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin...
For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.

For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used...
For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used for thirty years. This gives me great hope for the human race. -- Harlan Ellison

For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel...
For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one? -- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse" [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data...

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There was a young girl named O'Clare Whose body was covered...
There was a young girl named O'Clare Whose body was covered with hair. It was really quite fun To probe with one's gun, For her quimmy might be anywhere.

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. But he looked in the glass, And saw his own ass, And broke his neck trying to fuck it.

There was a young man of Lake Placid Whose prick was lethargic...
There was a young man of Lake Placid Whose prick was lethargic and flaccid. When he wanted to sport He would have to resort To injections of sulphuric acid.

"Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!" ...
"Nobody will ever need more than 640k RAM!" -- Bill Gates, 1981 "Windows 95 needs at least 8 MB RAM." -- Bill Gates, 1996 "Nobody will ever need Windows 95." ...