Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday April 16, 2019

Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master...
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul.

There once was a young man named Lancelot Whom the townsfolk...
There once was a young man named Lancelot Whom the townsfolk would look at askance a lot For when he should pass A desirable lass The front of his pants would advance a lot.

There once were two brothers named Luntz Who buggered each...
There once were two brothers named Luntz Who buggered each other at once. When asked to account For this intricate mount, They said, "Ass-holes are tighter than cunts."

There was a young lady named Rose Who fainted whenever...
There was a young lady named Rose Who fainted whenever she chose; She did so one day While playing croquet, But was quickly revived with a hose. -- Edward Gorey

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't...
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.

A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece...
A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.