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Daily Fortunes

Jan 2, 2013

You know you're getting old when you're Dad, and you're...
You know you're getting old when you're Dad, and you're measuring your daughter for camp clothes, and there are certain measurements only her mother is allowed to take.

You know you're in a small town when... You don't...
You know you're in a small town when... You don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going. You're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local merchants because you're the first baby of the year...

You know you're in trouble when... 1) You wake up face...
You know you're in trouble when... 1) You wake up face down on the pavement. 2) Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache. 3) You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city. 4) Your twin sister...

You know you're in trouble when... 1) Your car horn goes...
You know you're in trouble when... 1) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. 2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't...

You know you're in trouble when... (1) Your only son tells...
You know you're in trouble when... (1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business. (2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. (3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold. (4) You see...


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