Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Wednesday December 5, 2007

You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.

You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much...
You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will be sold.

You will be dead within a year.
You will be dead within a year.

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.
War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable.

Q: How do you play religious roulette? A: You stand...
Q: How do you play religious roulette? A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by lightning first.

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug? A: ...
Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug? A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back. Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator? A: There's a footprint in the mayo. Q: How can you tell if two elephants...

Q: How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to...
Q: How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: "I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $30,000 grant of...

Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night? A: ...
Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night? A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.

Q: What does friendship among Soviet nationalities...
Q: What does friendship among Soviet nationalities mean? A: It means that the Armenians take the Russians by the hand; the Russians take the Ukrainians by the hand; the Ukranians take the Uzbeks by the hand; and they all go...

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe? A: ...
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe? A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe! Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable! Q: An English mathematician (I forgot...

After the Children of Israel had wandered for thirty-nine...
After the Children of Israel had wandered for thirty-nine years in the wilderness, Ferdinand Feghoot arrived to make sure that they would finally find and enter the Promised Land. With him, he brought his favorite robot, faithful old Yewtoo Artoo,...

An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine,...
An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. -- James Michener, "Space"

Bistromathics is simply a revolutionary new way...
Bistromathics is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that space was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in space, and that time was not an absolute, but depended on...

Evolution is as much a fact as the earth turning on its axis...
Evolution is as much a fact as the earth turning on its axis and going around the sun. At one time this was called the Copernican theory; but, when evidence for a theory becomes so overwhelming that no informed person can doubt it, it is customary...