Daily Fortunes

Apr 5, 2018

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm...
I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries. -- George Burns

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers -- they're...
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers -- they're going to make a game out of it. -- Woody Allen

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got...
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. -- Steven Wright

I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so...
I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it won't do too much damage if it catches fire or explodes. First you decide which direction your hot tub should face for maximum solar energy. After much trial and error, I have found that the best direction for...

I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went...
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun. Well, just last week I was at a Chinese restaurant and when I opened my fortune cookie I found the guy's check sitting at the next table...

Daily Fortunes for Apr 5, 2018

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