Daily Fortunes

Jan 29, 2018

A GOOD WAY TO THREATEN somebody is to light a stick...
A GOOD WAY TO THREATEN somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby." -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is...
A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. -- Lisa Kirk

A gourmet restaurant in Cincinnati is one where you leave...
A gourmet restaurant in Cincinnati is one where you leave the tray on the table after you eat.

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart that looks...
A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart that looks at her watch. -- James Beard

A government that is big enough to give you all you want is...
A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. -- Barry Goldwater

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