Linux Definitions

Committee Rules:
        (1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
        (2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this
            stamps you as being wise.
        (3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the
            others.
        (4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
        (5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you
            popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.

Committee, n.:
        A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
        decide that nothing can be done.
                -- Fred Allen

Commoner's three laws of ecology:
        (1) No action is without side-effects.
        (2) Nothing ever goes away.
        (3) There is no free lunch.

Complex system:
        One with real problems and imaginary profits.

Compliment, n.:
        When you say something to another which everyone knows isn't true.

compuberty, n:
        The uncomfortable period of emotional and hormonal changes a
        computer experiences when the operating system is upgraded and
        a sun4 is put online sharing files.

Computer science:
        (1) A study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the
           precision of the former and the success of the latter.
        (2) The protracted value analysis of algorithms.
        (3) The costly enumeration of the obvious.
        (4) The boring art of coping with a large number of trivialities.
        (5) Tautology harnessed in the service of Man at the speed of light.
        (6) The Post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.

Computer, n.:
        An electronic entity which performs sequences of useful steps in a
        totally understandable, rigorously logical manner.  If you believe
        this, see me about a bridge I have for sale in Manhattan.

Concept, n.:
        Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
        $25,000.

Conference, n.:
        A special meeting in which the boss gathers subordinates to hear
        what they have to say, so long as it doesn't conflict with what
        he's already decided to do.