Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday February 3, 2017

"I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape...
"I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere."

"I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left...
"I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it."

"I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours."
"I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours."

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light...
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.

Q: What's a light-year? A: One-third less calories than...
Q: What's a light-year? A: One-third less calories than a regular year.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest...
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: To stamp out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: To stamp out flaming ducks.

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.