Daily Fortunes

Jul 27, 2006

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who...
I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes. -- Dave Barry

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that...
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it's going to be up all night. -- Steven Wright

I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I...
I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call. One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. I had to get it disconnected. So I got a new phone. I didn't have...

I have a dog; I named him Stay. So when I'd go to call him,...
I have a dog; I named him Stay. So when I'd go to call him, I'd say, "Here, Stay, here..." but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me and just keeps on typing. -- Steven Wright

I have a friend whose a billionaire. He invented Cliff's...
I have a friend whose a billionaire. He invented Cliff's notes. When I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I... I just... to make a long story short..." -- Steven Wright

Daily Fortunes for Jul 27, 2006

Jan

Feb

Mar

Apr

May

Jun

Jul

Aug

Sep

Oct

Nov