Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday October 13, 2013

"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot. Mother and...
"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot. Mother and I will grieve, but we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you." -- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student

"I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a...
"I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'." -- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There was a young man from Racine Who invented a fucking...
There was a young man from Racine Who invented a fucking machine. Concave or convex, It served either sex, But oh what a bitch to keep clean.

Alas, how love can trifle with itself! --...
Alas, how love can trifle with itself! -- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have...
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none. -- Doug Larson