Daily Fortunes

Apr 10, 2013

"I got into an elevator at work and this man followed...
"I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?' He said, 'Phoenix.' So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... we were in downtown...

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose...
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go." -- Steven Wright

I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add...
I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add. -- Steven Wright

I got tired of listening to the recording on the phone at...
I got tired of listening to the recording on the phone at the movie theater. So I bought the album. I got kicked out of a theater the other day for bringing my own food in. I argued that the concession stand prices were outrageous. Besides, I hadn't had a barbecue...

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who...
I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes. -- Dave Barry

Daily Fortunes for Apr 10, 2013

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