Daily FortunesJul 1, 2013
"I went to the museum where they had all the heads...
"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
statues that are in all the other museums."
-- Steven Wright
I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in...
I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment
had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I told my roommate,
"Isn't this amazing? Everything in the apartment has been stolen and
replaced with an exact replica." He said, "Do...
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked...
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me,
"If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"
-- Steven Wright
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
-- Groucho...
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
-- Groucho Marx
I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on...
I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack,
above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even
feel it.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
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Daily Fortunes for Jul 1, 2013
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