Daily Fortunes

Jul 25, 2013

My parents went to Niagara Falls and all I got was this crummy...
My parents went to Niagara Falls and all I got was this crummy life.

My ritual differs slightly. What I do, first thing [in...
My ritual differs slightly. What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I hop into the shower stall. Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped in I landed barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot character from "Star Wars" whom...

Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they...
Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can be tolerated until they acquire some sense. -- William Phelps

Never have children, only grandchildren. --...
Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth...
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -- Erma Bombeck

Daily Fortunes for Jul 25, 2013

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