Freebsd Limericks

A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux
Fell in love with a dashing young beau.
        To arrest his regard
        She would squat in his yard
And longingly pee in the sneaux.

A petulant man once said, "Pish,
Your cunt is as big as a dish."
        She replied, "Why, you fool,
        With your limp little tool,
It's like driving a pin with a fish."

A physical fellow named Fisk
Could screw at a rate very brisk.
        So fast was his action
        The Fitzgerald contraction
Would shrink up his rod to a disk.

A pious old woman named Tweak
Had taught her vagina to speak.
        It was frequently liable
        To quote from the Bible,
But when fucking -- not even a squeak!

A pious young lady named Finnegan
Would caution her friend, "Well, you're in again;
        So time it aright,
        Make it last through the night,
For I certainly don't want to sin again!"

A pious young lady of Chichester
Made all of the saints in their niches stir
        And each morning at matin
        Her breast in pink satin
Made the bishop of Chichester's breeches stir.

A playful young chemist named Byrd
Had an urge that could not be deferred.
        So to irritate Knox
        He shit in his sox,
And plastered the walls with his turd.

A plumber whose name was John Brink
Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink.
        Her resistance was stout,
        And John Brink petered out,
With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.

A potter who lived in Bombay
Once fashioned a cunt out of clay;
        But the heat of his prick
        Kilned the damn thing to brick
And chafed all his foreskin away.

A pretty wife living in Tours
Demanded her daily amour.
        But the husband said, "No!
        It's to much.  Let it go!
My backsides are dragging the floor."