Freebsd Limericks

A team playing baseball in Dallas
Called the umpire blind out of malice.
        While this worthy had fits
        The team made eight hits
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.

A teenage protester named Lil
Cried, "Those watergate spies make me ill
        First they bugged our martinis,
        Our bras and bikinis,
And now they are bugging the pill."

A thrice-married gal from L.A.
Said, "My hymen's intact to this day,
        'Cause my first (a shrink) talked of it,
        The voyeur only gawked at it,
And my most recent man's a gourmet."

A tidy young lady of Streator
Dearly loved to nibble a peter.
        She always would say,
        "I prefer it this way.
I think it is very much neater."

A timid young woman named Jane
Found parties a terrible strain;
        With movements uncertain
        She'd hide in a curtain
And make sounds like a rabbit in pain.
                -- Edward Gorey

A tired young trollop of Nome
Was worn out from her toes to her dome.
        Eight miners came screwing,
        But she said, "Nothing doing;
One of you has to go home!"

A trapper named Francois Lefebrve
Once captured and buggered a beabrve.
        The result of this fuck
        Was a three titted duck,
A canoe, and an Irish retriebrve.

A tutor who tooted a flute
Tried to tutor two tutors to toot
        Said the two to the tutor:
        "Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tutors to toot"

A vengeful technician named Schmitz
Caused a disk drive to go on the fritz.
        He covered the platter
        With bats' fecal matter.
Now it's seek time is really the pits.

A very intelligent turtle
Found programming UNIX a hurdle
        The system, you see,
        Ran as slow as did he,
And that's not saying much for the turtle.