Freebsd Limericks

There was a young lad name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
        His father said, "Durcan!
        Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young lad name of Ward
Who strung himself up with a cord
        Said he, of his work
        (Ere the rope snapped with a jerk)
"I am leaving because I am bored."
                - E.A. Guest

There was a young lad named McFee
Who was stung in the balls by a bee
        He made oodles of money
        By oozing pure honey
Every time he attempted to pee.

There was a young lady at sea
Who complained that it hurt her to pee.
        Said the brawny old mate,
        "That accounts for the state
Of the cook and the captain and me."

There was a young lady at sea
Who said, "God, how it hurts me to pee."
        "I see," said the mate,
        "That accounts for the state
Of the captain, the purser, and me."

There was a young lady called Ciss
Who went to the river to piss.
        A young man in a punt
        Put his hand on her cunt;
No wonder she thought it was bliss.

There was a young lady from Bangor
Who slept while the ship lay at anchor
        She woke in dismay
        When she heard the mate say:
"Let's lift up the topsheet and spanker!"

There was a young lady from Bright,
Whose speed was much faster than light.
        She went out one day
        In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

There was a young lady from Bristol
Who went to the Palace called Crystal.
        Said she, "It's all glass,
        And as round as my ass,"
And she farted as loud as a pistol.

There was a young lady from Brussels
Who was proud of her vaginal muscles.
        She could easily plex them
        And so interflex them
As to whistle love songs through her bustles.