Freebsd Limericks

There was a young fellow named Pell
Who didn't like cunt very well.
        He would finger or fuck one,
        But never would suck one--
He just couldn't get used to the smell.

There was a young fellow named Price
Who dabbled in all sorts of vice.
        He had virgins and boys
        And mechanical toys,
And on Mondays... he meddled with mice!

There was a young fellow named Prynne
Whose prick was so short and so thin,
        His wife found she needed
        A Fuckoscope -- she did --
To see if he'd gotten it in.

There was a young fellow named Skinner
Who took a young lady to dinner
        At a quarter to nine,
        They sat down to dine,
At twenty to ten it was in her.
The dinner, not Skinner -- Skinner was in her before dinner.

There was a young fellow named Tupper
Who took a young lady to supper.
        At a quarter to nine,
        They sat down to dine,
And at twenty to ten it was up her.
Not the supper -- not Tupper -- It was some son-of-a-bitch named Skinner!

There was a young fellow named Sweeney,
Whose girl was a terrible meanie,
        The hatch of her snatch,
        Had a catch that would latch,
She could only be screwed by Houdini.

There was a young fellow of Burma
Whose betrothed had good reason to murmur.
        But now that he's married he's
        Been using cantharides
And the root of their love is much firmer.

There was a young fellow of Greenwich
Whose balls were all covered with spinach.
        He had such a tool
        It was wound on a spool,
And he reeled it out inich by inich.

But this tale has an unhappy finich,
For due to the sand in the spinach
        His ballocks grew rough
        And wrecked his wife's muff,
And scratched up her thatch in the scrimmage.

There was a young fellow of Harrow
Whose john was the size of a marrow.
        He said to his tart,
        "How's this for a start?
My balls are outside in a barrow."

There was a young fellow of Kent
Whose prick was so long that it bent,
        So to save himself trouble
        He put it in double,
And instead of coming he went.

There was a young fellow of Mayence
Who fucked his own arse in defiance
        Not only of custom
        And morals, dad-bust him,
But of most of the known laws of science.