Freebsd Limericks

There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel
Who said, "They can all go to hell!
        What they do to my wife --
        Why it ruins my life;
And the worst is they all do it well."

There once was a sailor named Gasted,
A swell guy, as long as he lasted,
        He could jerk himself off
        In a basket, aloft,
Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.

There once was a Scot named McAmeter
With a tool of prodigious diameter.
        It was not the size
        That cause such surprise;
'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.

There once was a son-of-a-bitch,
Neither clever, nor handsome, nor rich,
        Yet the girls he would dazzle,
        And fuck to a frazzle,
And then ditch them, the son-of-a-bitch!

There once was a spaceman named Spock
Who had a huge Vulcanized cock.
        A girl from Missouri
        Whose name was Uhura
Just fainted away from the shock.

There once was a Swede in Minneapolis,
Discovered his sex life was hapless:
        The more he would screw
        The more he'd want to,
And he feared he would soon be quite sapless.

There once was a Usenetter named Mark,
Whose gender was kept in the dark.
        He/she/it said with a nod,
        "My ancestors were odd!"
Did Noah need two for the ark?

There once was a whore from Regina
Who had a stupendous vagina.
        To save herself time,
        She had six at a time,
And another one working behind her.

There once was a woman from Arden
Who sucked off a man in a garden.
        He said, "My dear Flo,
        Where does all that stuff go?"
And she said, "[Swallow hard] I beg pardon?"

There once was a yokel of Beaconsfield
Engaged to look after the deacon's field,
        But he lurked in the ditches
        And diddled the bitches
Who happened to cross that antique 'un's field.