Freebsd Limericks

A clever young man named Eugene
Invented a jack-off machine.
        On the twenty-third stroke
        The fuckin' thing broke
And beat both his balls to a creame.

A clever young man named Eugene
Invented a jack-off machine.
        On the twenty-third stroke
        The goddam thing broke
And beat both his balls to a creame.

A cocksucking steno named Beeman
Remarked as she swallowed my semen :
        "On my minuscule salary
         I must watch every calorie,
So I get `ahead' eating you he-men!"

A computer called Illiac4
Had a rather tough bug in its core.
        It chewed up its cards
        And spewed yards and yards
Of illegible tape on the floor.

A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
        But this output can be
        No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
                -- Gigo

A contortionist hailing from Lynch
Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
        A foot cost a quid --
        He could and he did
Stretch it to three in a pinch.

A corpulent maiden named Kroll
Had a notion exceedingly droll:
        At a masquerade ball,
        Dressed in nothing at all,
She backed in as a Parker House roll.

A couple was fishing near Clombe
When the maid began looking quite glum,
        And said, "Bother the fish!
        I'd rather coish!"
Which they did -- which was why they had come.

A cowhand way out in Seattle
Had a dooflicker flat as a paddle.
        He said, "No, I can't fuck
        A lamb or a duck,
But golly! it just fits the cattle."

A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
And had an affair with a Saracen.
        She was not oversexed,
        Or jealous or vexed,
She just wanted to make a comparison.