Freebsd Limericks

An uptight young lady named Breerley
Who valued her morals too dearly
        Had sex, so I hear,
        Only once every year,
And she strained her vagina severely.

And earnest young woman in Thrace
Said, "Darling, that's not the right place!"
        So he gave her a thwack,
        And did on her back,
What he couldn't have done face to face.

And then there's the story that's fraught
With disaster -- of balls that got caught,
        When a chap took a crap
        In the woods, and a trap
Underneath... Oh, I can't bear the thought!

As for weirdness, the guy who's the tops
Is a kinky old butcher named Pops.
        Since he thinks it's effete
        To be beating his meat,
What he's into is licking his chops.

As he came in his chubby choirboy,
Father Burke said, "There's no greater joy!
        If no sodomy levens
        And possible heavens,
Existence will merely annoy."

As the breeches-buoy swing towards the rocks,
Its occupant cried, "Save my socks!
        I could not bear the loss,
        For with scarlet silk floss
My mama has embroidered their clocks."
                -- Edward Gorey

As tourists inspected the apse
An ominous series of raps
        Came from under the altar,
        Which caused some to falter
And others to shriek and collapse.
                -- Edward Gorey

Asked a supplicant priest of the pontiff,
"Do I sin if I do what I want, if
        I screw a young nun
        In the eastertide sun?"
His holiness murmured, "Gut yontiff."

At a contest for farting in Butte
One lady's exertion was cute :
        It won the diploma
        For fetid aroma,
And three judges were felled by the brute.

At a dance, a girl from Connecticut
Showed an absolute absence of etiquette
        Letting all comers press
        Through the skirt of her dress
And wiping the mess with her petticoat.