Freebsd Limericks

There once was a yokel of Beaconsfield
Engaged to look after the deacon's field,
        But he lurked in the ditches
        And diddled the bitches
Who happened to cross that antique 'un's field.

There once was a young fellow named Blaine,
And he screwed some disgusting old jane.
        She was ugly and smelly,
        With an awful pot-belly,
But... well, they were caught in the rain.

There once was a young girl from Natches
Who chanced to be born with two snatches
        She often said, "Shit!
        I'd give either tit
For a guy with equipment that matches."

There once was a young man from Boston
Who drove around town in an Austin,
        There was room for his ass,
        And a gallon of gas,
So he hung out his balls and he lost 'em.

There once was a young man from France
Who waited ten years for his chance;
Then he muffed it...

There once was a young man from Yuma
Who attempted sex with a puma
        He gave up real quick
        Minus nose, toes, and prick
In obvious pain and ill huma.

There once was a young man from Yuma,
Who told an elephant joke to a puma.
        Now his dry bleached bones lie,
        Under hot Asian skies,
'Cause the puma had no sense of huma.

There once was a young man named Clyde
Who fell in an outhouse, and died.
        He had a twin brother
        Who fell in another
And now they're interred side by side.

There once was a young man named Gene,
Who invented a screwing machine.
        Concave and convex,
        It served either sex,
And it played with itself inbetween.

There once was a young man named Lancelot
Whom the townsfolk would look at askance a lot
        For when he should pass
        A desirable lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot.