Freebsd Limericks

There was a young monk of Dundee
Who complained that it hurt him to pee,
        He said, "Pax vobiscum,
        Now why won't the piss come?
I'm afraid I've the c-l-a-p."

There was a young parson of Harwich,
Tried to grind his betrothed in a carriage.
        She said, "No, you young goose,
        Just try self-abuse.
And the other we'll try after marriage."

There was a young peasant named Gorse
Who fell madly in love with his horse.
        Said his wife, "You rapscallion,
        That horse is a stallion --
This constitutes grounds for divorce."

There was a young person of Kent
Who was famous wherever he went.
        All the way through a fuck,
        He would quack like a duck,
And he crowed like a cock when he spent.

There was a young physicist named Fisk
Whose lovemaking was rather brisk.
        So quick was his action,
        The Lorentz Contraction
Shortened his rod to a disc !!

There was a young plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.
        She said, "Stop your plumbing,
        There's somebody coming"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

There was a young poet named Dan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
        When told this was so,
        He said, "Yes, I know,
It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."

There was a young royal marine,
Who tried to fart "God Save the Queen".
        When he reached the soprano
        Out came only guano
And his britches weren't fit to be seen.

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
        She replied, "'Pon my soul,
        You're in the wrong hole;
There's plenty of room in the right one."

There was a young sapphic named Anna
Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana,
        Which she sucked, bit by bit,
        From her partner's warm slit,
In the most approved lesbian manner.