Freebsd Limericks

A marine being sent to Hong Kong
Got a doctor to alter his dong.
        He sailed off with a tool
        Flat and thin as a rule -
When he got there he found he was wrong.

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexhedronical ball,
        And the square of its weight
        Times his pecker's, plus eight,
Was four-fifths of five-eighths of fuck-all.

A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
        And the cube of its weight
        Times his pecker's, plus eight
Is his phone number -- give him a call...

A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Mobius band was divine.
        Said he, "If you glue
        The edges of two,
You'll get a weird bottle like mine!

A middle-aged codger named Bruin
Found his love life completely in ruin,
        For he flirted with flirts
        Wearing pants and no skirts,
And he never got in for no screwin'.

A milkmaid there was, with a stutter,
Who was lonely and wanted a futter.
        She had nowhere to turn,
        So she diddled a churn,
And managed to come with the butter.

A mortician who practised in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
        "How could I know, Judge?
        She was cold, did not budge--
Just the same as she'd acted in life."

A nasty old drunk in Carmel
Thinks it funny to piss in the well.
        He says, "Some don't favor
        That unusual flavor,
But I don't drink the stuff -- what the hell!"

A nervous young fellow named Fred
Took a charming young widow to bed.
        When he'd diddled a while
        She remarked with a smile,
"You've got it all in but the head."

A new dramatist of the absurd
Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
        I learn from my spies
        He's about to devise
An unprintable three-letter word.