Freebsd Limericks

A newly-wed man of Peru
Found himself in a terrible stew:
        His wife was in bed
        Much deader than dead,
And so he had no one to screw.

A notorious whore named Ms. Hearst,
In the pleasures of men was well-versed.
        Reads the sign o'er the head
        Of her well-rumpled bed
"The customer always comes first."

A novice was told by the Abbot:
"Consider the goat and the rabbit.
        While they roll in the hay
        You just stay home and pray.
You've got to get out of that habit."

A nudist resort at Benares
Took a midget in all unawares.
        But he made members weep
        For he just couldn't keep
His nose out of private affairs.

A nurse motivated by spite
Tied her infantine charge to a kite;
        She launched it with ease
        On the afternoon breeze,
And watched till it flew out of sight.
                -- Edward Gorey

A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
        They argued all night
        Over who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom.

A passionate red-haired girl
When you kissed her, her senses would whirl,
        And her twat would get wet,
        And would wiggle and fret,
And her cunt-lips would curl and unfurl.

A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux
Fell in love with a dashing young beau.
        To arrest his regard
        She would squat in his yard
And longingly pee in the sneaux.

A petulant man once said, "Pish,
Your cunt is as big as a dish."
        She replied, "Why, you fool,
        With your limp little tool,
It's like driving a pin with a fish."

A physical fellow named Fisk
Could screw at a rate very brisk.
        So fast was his action
        The Fitzgerald contraction
Would shrink up his rod to a disk.