Freebsd Limericks

A nudist resort at Benares
Took a midget in all unawares.
        But he made members weep
        For he just couldn't keep
His nose out of private affairs.

A nurse motivated by spite
Tied her infantine charge to a kite;
        She launched it with ease
        On the afternoon breeze,
And watched till it flew out of sight.
                -- Edward Gorey

A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
        They argued all night
        Over who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom.

A passionate red-haired girl
When you kissed her, her senses would whirl,
        And her twat would get wet,
        And would wiggle and fret,
And her cunt-lips would curl and unfurl.

A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux
Fell in love with a dashing young beau.
        To arrest his regard
        She would squat in his yard
And longingly pee in the sneaux.

A petulant man once said, "Pish,
Your cunt is as big as a dish."
        She replied, "Why, you fool,
        With your limp little tool,
It's like driving a pin with a fish."

A physical fellow named Fisk
Could screw at a rate very brisk.
        So fast was his action
        The Fitzgerald contraction
Would shrink up his rod to a disk.

A pious old woman named Tweak
Had taught her vagina to speak.
        It was frequently liable
        To quote from the Bible,
But when fucking -- not even a squeak!

A pious young lady named Finnegan
Would caution her friend, "Well, you're in again;
        So time it aright,
        Make it last through the night,
For I certainly don't want to sin again!"

A pious young lady of Chichester
Made all of the saints in their niches stir
        And each morning at matin
        Her breast in pink satin
Made the bishop of Chichester's breeches stir.