Freebsd Limericks

A scandal involving an oyster
Sent the Countess of Clews to a cloister
        She preferred it, in bed,
        To the count (so she said)
'Cause it's longer and stronger and moister.

A scream from the crypt of St. Giles
Resounded for miles upon miles.
        Said the friar, "Good gracious,
        The brother Ignatious
Forgeteth the abbot hath piles."

A seafaring hacker named Slatey
Went to bed with a VAX/780.
        The thing's learned to swear
        With a nautical air,
And refers to its users as "matey".

A sex-loving coed named Bree
Caught the clap from her Apple IIE.
        The joystick, she found,
        Had been fooling around
With a neighboring student's PC.

A silly young man from Hong Kong
Had hands that were skinny and long.
        He ate rice with his fingers--
        The taste of it lingers,
But now all his fingers are gone.

A slick talking pirate named Bruce
To steal code, had a plan to seduce
        An Apple II+.
        Now Bruce wears a truss
And was jailed for computer abuse.

A software technician from Digital
Had hardware extremely prodigical.
        It's rumoured, I hear,
        That when he was near
He made the ladies all flustered and fidgital.

A space shuttle pilot named Ventry,
Made love to a lovely girl sentry.
        She started to pout,
        Because it fell out,
But the mission was saved by re-entry.

A sperm faced, alack and forsooth,
His moment of sexual truth.
        He'd expected to fall
        On a womb's spongy wall
But was dashed to his death on a tooth.

A spinster in Kalamazoo
Once strolled after dark by the zoo.
        She was seized by the nape,
        And fucked by an ape,
And she murmured, "A wonderful screw."

And she added, "You're rough, yes, and hairy,
But I hope -- yes I do -- that I marry
        A man with a prick
        Half as stiff and as thick
As the kind that you zoo-keepers carry."