Freebsd Limericks

A sperm faced, alack and forsooth,
His moment of sexual truth.
        He'd expected to fall
        On a womb's spongy wall
But was dashed to his death on a tooth.

A spinster in Kalamazoo
Once strolled after dark by the zoo.
        She was seized by the nape,
        And fucked by an ape,
And she murmured, "A wonderful screw."

And she added, "You're rough, yes, and hairy,
But I hope -- yes I do -- that I marry
        A man with a prick
        Half as stiff and as thick
As the kind that you zoo-keepers carry."

A spunky young schoolboy named Fred
Used totoss off each night while in bed.
        Said his mother, "Dear lad,
        That's exceedingly bad--
Jump in here with your mamma instead."

A starship commander named Kirk
Emerged from his cabin berserk.
        He grabbed a girl yeoman
        Beneath the abdomen,
And gave her a physical jerk.

A stout Gaelic warrior, McPherson,
Was having a captive, a person
        Who was not averse
        Though she had the curse,
And he'd breeches of bristling furs on.

A structured programmer named Drew
Was intensely turned on by "goto".
        When he saw it in code
        He'd shoot off his load.
It's a good thing his shop used so few.

A studious professor named Nestor
Bet a whore all his books that he could best her.
        But she drained out his balls
        And skipped up the walls,
Beseeching poor Nestor to rest her.

A sweetheart named Teresa Arden
Went down on her beau in the garden.
        He said, "Good lord, Tess,
        Don't swallow that mess "
And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"

A sweetheart named Teresa Arden
Went down on her beau in the garden.
        He said, "Good lord, Tess,
        Don't swallow that mess!"
And she replied, "Ulp, beg your pardon?"

A systems programmer named Sprotic
Found his software intensely erotic.
        In jealous distress
        He wiped his OS.
It's possible that he's psychotic.