Freebsd Limericks

An impish young fellow named James
Had a passion for idiot games.
        He lighted the hair
        Of his lady's affair
And laughed as she pissed through the flames.

An impotent Scot named MacDougall
Had to husband his sperm and be frugal.
        He was gathering semen
        To gender a he-man,
By screwing his wife through a bugle.

An incautious young woman named Venn
Was seen with the wrong sort of men;
        She vanished one day,
        But the following May
Her legs were retrieved from a fen.
                -- Edward Gorey

An indefatigable woman named Bavel
Had often occasion to travel;
        On the way she would sit
        And furiously knit,
And on the way back she'd unravel.
                -- Edward Gorey

An ingenious young man in South Bend
Made a synthetic ass for a friend,
        But the friend shortly found
        Its construction unsound,
It was simply a bother -- no end.

An innocent maiden named Herridge
Was cruelly tricked ito marriage;
        When she later found out
        What her spouse was about,
She threw herself under a carriage.
                -- Edward Gorey

An inquisitive virgin named Dora
Asked the man who started to bore 'er :
        "Do you mean birds and bees
        Go through antics like these,
To suppy us our fauna and flora?"

An irate young lady named Booker
Told her husband, "You beast, I'm no hooker!
        If you want it queer ways,
        Go to whores for your lays!"
So he packed up his tool and forsook 'er.

An octagenerian Jew
To his wife remained steadfastly true.
        This was not from compunction,
        But due to dysfunction
Of his spermatic glands -- nuts to you.

An old couple just at Shrovetide
Were having a piece -- when he died.
        The wife for a week
        Sat tight on his peak,
And bounced up and down as she cried.