Freebsd Limericks

An irate young lady named Booker
Told her husband, "You beast, I'm no hooker!
        If you want it queer ways,
        Go to whores for your lays!"
So he packed up his tool and forsook 'er.

An octagenerian Jew
To his wife remained steadfastly true.
        This was not from compunction,
        But due to dysfunction
Of his spermatic glands -- nuts to you.

An old couple just at Shrovetide
Were having a piece -- when he died.
        The wife for a week
        Sat tight on his peak,
And bounced up and down as she cried.

An old electronic designer
Had designs on a minor named Dinah.
        He couldn't carry them out
        For his prick was too stout,
And too small was the minor's vagina.

An old gentleman's crotchets and quibblings
Were a terrible trial to his siblings,
        But he was not removed
        Till one day it was proved
That the bell-ropes were damp with his dribblings.
                -- Edward Gorey

An old maid who had a pet ape
Lived in fear of perpetual rape.
        His red, hairy phallus
        So filled her with malice
That she sealed up her snatch with Scotch tape.

An old man at the Folies Bergere
Had a jock, a most wondrous affair:
        It snipped off a twat-curl
        From each new chorus girl,
And he had a wig made of the hair.

An organist playing in York
Had a prick that could hold a small fork,
        And between obbligatos
        He'd munch at tomatoes,
To keep up his strength while at work.

An orgasmic young sex star named Sue
Was a hit as she writhed to a screw.
        Her climatic fame spread
        With an ad blitz that said:
Coming soon at a theater near you!

An uptight young lady named Breerley
Who valued her morals too dearly
        Had sex, so I hear,
        Only once every year,
And she strained her vagina severely.