Freebsd Limericks

There once was a fellow named Brewster
Who said to his wife, as he goosed her,
        "It used to be grand
        But look at my hand
You're not wiping as clean as ya uster."

There once was a fellow named Howard,
Whose tool it was nuclear-powered,
        While grabbing some ass,
        He reached critical mass,
But think of the girl he deflowered!

There once was a fellow named Potts
Who was prone to having the trots
        But his humble abode
        Was without a commode
So his carpet was covered with spots.

There once was a fellow named Siegel
Who attempted to bugger a beagle,
        But the mettlesome bitch
        Turned and said with a twitch,
"It's fun, but you know it's illegal."

There once was a fellow named Sweeney
Who spilled gin all over his weenie.
        Not being uncouth,
        He added vermouth
And slipped his amour a martini.

There once was a fencer named Fisk,
Whose speed was incredibly brisk.
        So fast was his action,
        The Fitzgerald contraction,
Foreshortended his foil to a disk.

There once was a fiesty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
        He'd yip and he'd yap,
        Then leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.

There once was a floozie named Annie
Whose prices were cosy--but cannie:
        A buck for a fuck,
        Fifty cents for a suck,
And a dime for a feel of her fanny.

There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
        A virgin named Joan
        From a bible belt home,
Said "This won't be much of a sin."

There once was a gangster named Brown
- the sneakiest bastard in town.
        He was caught by G-men
        Shooting his semen
Where the cops would slip and fall down.