Freebsd Limericks

There once was a fellow named Sweeney
Who spilled gin all over his weenie.
        Not being uncouth,
        He added vermouth
And slipped his amour a martini.

There once was a fencer named Fisk,
Whose speed was incredibly brisk.
        So fast was his action,
        The Fitzgerald contraction,
Foreshortended his foil to a disk.

There once was a fiesty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
        He'd yip and he'd yap,
        Then leap up and snap;
And the fairer the derriere the merrier.

There once was a floozie named Annie
Whose prices were cosy--but cannie:
        A buck for a fuck,
        Fifty cents for a suck,
And a dime for a feel of her fanny.

There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
        A virgin named Joan
        From a bible belt home,
Said "This won't be much of a sin."

There once was a gangster named Brown
- the sneakiest bastard in town.
        He was caught by G-men
        Shooting his semen
Where the cops would slip and fall down.

There once was a gaucho named Bruno,
Who said, "About sex, well, I do know,
        Sheep are just fine,
        Chickens, divine,
But iguanas are Numero Uno."

There once was a gay young Parisian
Who screwed an appendix incision,
        And the girl of his choice
        Could hardly rejoice
At the horrible lack of precision.

There once was a girl from Cornell
Whose teats were shaped like a bell.
        When you touched them they shrunk,
        Except when she was drunk,
And then they got bigger than hell.

There once was a girl from Decatur,
Who got laid by a big alligator.
        Now nobody knew
        The result of that screw,
'Cause after he laid her, he ate her.