Freebsd Limericks

There once was a girl from Madras
Who had such a beautiful ass -
        It was not round and pink
        (As you bastards think)
But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.

There once was a girl from Spokane,
Went to bed with a one-legged man.
        She said, "I know you--
        You've really got two!
Why didn't you say so when we began?"

There once was a girl named Irene
Who lived on distilled kerosene
        But she started absorbin'
        A new hydrocarbon
And since then has never benzene.

There once was a girl named Louise
Who cunt hair hung down to her knees
        The crabs in her twat
        Tied the hairs in a knot
And constructed a flying trapeze

There once was a girl named Mcgoffin
Who was diddled amazingly often.
        She was rogered by scores
        Who'd been turned down by whores,
And was finally screwed in her coffin.

There once was a girl named Priscilla
Whose vagina was flavored vanilla.
        The taste was so fine
        Man and beast stood in line
(Including a stud armadilla).

There once was a girl so lovely,
Who wanted to make love in the bubbly,
        She strapped on her tanks,
        And started her pranks,
But the lobsters all thought she was ugly.

There once was a golfer named Leer,
Who got put in the clink for a year,
        For an action obscene,
        On the very first green.
Where the sign said "Enter course here."

There once was a gouty old colonel
Who grew glum when the weather grew vernal,
        And he cried in his tiffin
        For his prick wouldn't stiffen,
And the size of the thing was infernal.

There once was a guardsman from Buckingham
Who said, "As for girls, I hate fucking 'em.
        But when I meet boys,
        God! how I enjoys
Just licking their peckers and sucking 'em."