Freebsd Limericks

There once was a jolly old bloke
Who picked up a girl for a poke.
        He took down her pants,
        Fucked her into a trance,
And then shit into her shoe for a joke.

There once was a kiddie named Carr
Caught a man on top of his mar.
        As he saw him stick 'er,
        He said with a snicker,
"You do it much faster than par."

There once was a lady from Exeter,
So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
        One was even so brave
        As to take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

There once was a lady from Kansas
Whose cunt was as big as Bonanzas.
        It was nine inches deep
        And the sides were quite steep --
It had whiskers like General Carranza's.

There once was a lady named Carter,
Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.
        She stripped off his pants,
        At his prick quickly glanced,
And cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!"

There once was a lady named Clair,
Who posessed a magnificent pair.
        Or that's what I thought,
        Till I saw one get caught,
On a thorn and begin losing air.

There once was a lady named Myrtle
Who had an affair with a turtle.
        She had crabs, so they say,
        In a year and a day
Which proved that that turtle was fertile.

There once was a lawyer named Rex
With minuscule organs of sex.
        Arraigned for exposure,
        He maintained with composure,
"De minimis non curat lex."

        [Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things.  Ed.]

There once was a lifeguard named Lee
Who rescued a girl from the sea
        She asked how to pay,
        And he said "Try this way,
Go down for the third time on me."

There once was a maid from Mobile
Whose cunt was made of blue steel.
        She only got thrills
        From pneumatic drills
And an off-centered emery wheel.