Freebsd Limericks

There once was a lady named Carter,
Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.
        She stripped off his pants,
        At his prick quickly glanced,
And cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!"

There once was a lady named Clair,
Who posessed a magnificent pair.
        Or that's what I thought,
        Till I saw one get caught,
On a thorn and begin losing air.

There once was a lady named Myrtle
Who had an affair with a turtle.
        She had crabs, so they say,
        In a year and a day
Which proved that that turtle was fertile.

There once was a lawyer named Rex
With minuscule organs of sex.
        Arraigned for exposure,
        He maintained with composure,
"De minimis non curat lex."

        [Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things.  Ed.]

There once was a lifeguard named Lee
Who rescued a girl from the sea
        She asked how to pay,
        And he said "Try this way,
Go down for the third time on me."

There once was a maid from Mobile
Whose cunt was made of blue steel.
        She only got thrills
        From pneumatic drills
And an off-centered emery wheel.

There once was a man from Bombay
He would do it all night and all day
        He soon became sore
        You shoulda' heard him roar
When his wife rubbed his balls with Ben-Gay!

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who used to beat off in the gutta
        The heat of the sun
        Affected his gun
And turned all his cream into butta!

There once was a man from Dunoon,
Who always ate soup with a fork.
        He said "When I eat
        Either fish, foul or flesh,
I otherwise finish too quick."

There once was a man from Exameter
Who had a prodigious diameter
        But it wasn't the size
        That brought forth the cries
'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.