Freebsd Limericks

There once was a lawyer named Rex
With minuscule organs of sex.
        Arraigned for exposure,
        He maintained with composure,
"De minimis non curat lex."

        [Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things.  Ed.]

There once was a lifeguard named Lee
Who rescued a girl from the sea
        She asked how to pay,
        And he said "Try this way,
Go down for the third time on me."

There once was a maid from Mobile
Whose cunt was made of blue steel.
        She only got thrills
        From pneumatic drills
And an off-centered emery wheel.

There once was a man from Bombay
He would do it all night and all day
        He soon became sore
        You shoulda' heard him roar
When his wife rubbed his balls with Ben-Gay!

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who used to beat off in the gutta
        The heat of the sun
        Affected his gun
And turned all his cream into butta!

There once was a man from Dunoon,
Who always ate soup with a fork.
        He said "When I eat
        Either fish, foul or flesh,
I otherwise finish too quick."

There once was a man from Exameter
Who had a prodigious diameter
        But it wasn't the size
        That brought forth the cries
'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.

There once was a man from Madras,
Whose balls were made out of brass.
        When they clanged together,
        They played "Stormy Weather",
And lightning shot out of his ass.

There once was a man from Nantee
Who buggered an ape in a tree.
        The results were most horrid
        All ass and no forehead
Three balls and a purple goatee.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
        His daughter, named Nan,
        Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

The pair of them went to Manhasset,
(Nan and the man with the asset.)
        Pa followed them there,
        But they left in a tear,
And as for the asset, Manhasset.

Pa followed the pair to Pawtucket,
(Nan and the man with the bucket.)
        Pa said to the man,
        "You're welcome to Nan."
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.