Freebsd Limericks

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who used to beat off in the gutta
        The heat of the sun
        Affected his gun
And turned all his cream into butta!

There once was a man from Dunoon,
Who always ate soup with a fork.
        He said "When I eat
        Either fish, foul or flesh,
I otherwise finish too quick."

There once was a man from Exameter
Who had a prodigious diameter
        But it wasn't the size
        That brought forth the cries
'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.

There once was a man from Madras,
Whose balls were made out of brass.
        When they clanged together,
        They played "Stormy Weather",
And lightning shot out of his ass.

There once was a man from Nantee
Who buggered an ape in a tree.
        The results were most horrid
        All ass and no forehead
Three balls and a purple goatee.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
        His daughter, named Nan,
        Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

The pair of them went to Manhasset,
(Nan and the man with the asset.)
        Pa followed them there,
        But they left in a tear,
And as for the asset, Manhasset.

Pa followed the pair to Pawtucket,
(Nan and the man with the bucket.)
        Pa said to the man,
        "You're welcome to Nan."
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it.
        He said with a grin,
        As he wiped off his chin,
If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
        He said with a grin
        As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a screwing machine.
        Both concave and convex,
        It could please either sex,
But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man from Sandem
Who was making his girl on a tandem.
        At the peak of the make
        She jammed on the brake
And scattered his semen at random.