Freebsd Limericks

There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a screwing machine.
        Both concave and convex,
        It could please either sex,
But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man from Sandem
Who was making his girl on a tandem.
        At the peak of the make
        She jammed on the brake
And scattered his semen at random.

There once was a man from Sydney
Who could put it up to her kidney.
        But the man from Quebec
        Put it up to her neck;
He had a big one, now didn't he?

There once was a man named Lodge,
who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
        When his date was strapped in,
        He committed a sin,
without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man named McGruder,
Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder.
        But the girl thought it crude,
        To be wooed in the nude,
So McGru took an oar and subduder.

There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney
        So just to be couth
        He added vermouth
And slipped his best girl a martini.

There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny.
        Just to be couth,
        He added vermouth,
And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There once was a man named Parridge
With peculiar views on marriage.
        He sucked off his brother,
        Fucked his own mother,
And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.

There once was a man with a hernia
Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya,
        When you work on my middle
        Be sure you don't fiddle
With things that do not concern ya."

There once was a member of Mensa
Who was a most excellent fencer.
        The sword that he used
        Was his -- (line is refused,
And has now been removed by the censor).