Freebsd Limericks

There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney
        So just to be couth
        He added vermouth
And slipped his best girl a martini.

There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny.
        Just to be couth,
        He added vermouth,
And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There once was a man named Parridge
With peculiar views on marriage.
        He sucked off his brother,
        Fucked his own mother,
And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.

There once was a man with a hernia
Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya,
        When you work on my middle
        Be sure you don't fiddle
With things that do not concern ya."

There once was a member of Mensa
Who was a most excellent fencer.
        The sword that he used
        Was his -- (line is refused,
And has now been removed by the censor).

There once was a miner named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
        She was ugly as shit,
        And missing one tit,
But think of the money he saves.

There once was a monk of Camyre
Who was seized with a carnal desire
        And the primary cause
        Was the abbess's drawers
Which were hung up to dry by the fire.

There once was a newspaper vendor,
A person of dubious gender.
        He would charge one-and-two
        For permission to view
His remarkable double pudenda.

There once was a plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea.
        Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
        I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes, I know love, it's me."

There once was a pretty young Mrs.
Whose tearful but short story thrs.
        Her mind lost its grasp -
        Now she thinks she's an asp
And just sits in the corner and hrs.