Freebsd Limericks

There once was a member of Mensa
Who was a most excellent fencer.
        The sword that he used
        Was his -- (line is refused,
And has now been removed by the censor).

There once was a miner named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
        She was ugly as shit,
        And missing one tit,
But think of the money he saves.

There once was a monk of Camyre
Who was seized with a carnal desire
        And the primary cause
        Was the abbess's drawers
Which were hung up to dry by the fire.

There once was a newspaper vendor,
A person of dubious gender.
        He would charge one-and-two
        For permission to view
His remarkable double pudenda.

There once was a plumber from Leigh
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea.
        Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
        I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes, I know love, it's me."

There once was a pretty young Mrs.
Whose tearful but short story thrs.
        Her mind lost its grasp -
        Now she thinks she's an asp
And just sits in the corner and hrs.

There once was a queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
        Till a prince from Peru
        Who came up for a screw
Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.

There once was a reverend at Kings
Whose mind 'twas on heavenly things.
        But his heart was on fire
        For a boy in the choir
Whose buns were like jelly on springs.

There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel
Who said, "They can all go to hell!
        What they do to my wife --
        Why it ruins my life;
And the worst is they all do it well."

There once was a sailor named Gasted,
A swell guy, as long as he lasted,
        He could jerk himself off
        In a basket, aloft,
Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.