Freebsd Limericks

There once was a young man from Yuma
Who attempted sex with a puma
        He gave up real quick
        Minus nose, toes, and prick
In obvious pain and ill huma.

There once was a young man from Yuma,
Who told an elephant joke to a puma.
        Now his dry bleached bones lie,
        Under hot Asian skies,
'Cause the puma had no sense of huma.

There once was a young man named Clyde
Who fell in an outhouse, and died.
        He had a twin brother
        Who fell in another
And now they're interred side by side.

There once was a young man named Gene,
Who invented a screwing machine.
        Concave and convex,
        It served either sex,
And it played with itself inbetween.

There once was a young man named Lancelot
Whom the townsfolk would look at askance a lot
        For when he should pass
        A desirable lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot.

There once was an Arpanet freak,
Who better response-time did seek.
        He searched coast to coast,
        For a reliable host,
Whose logger took less than a week.

There once was an old man from Esser,
Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
        It at last grew so small,
        He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a College Professor.

There once were two brothers named Luntz
Who buggered each other at once.
        When asked to account
        For this intricate mount,
They said, "Ass-holes are tighter than cunts."

There once were two women from Birmingham.
And this is the story concerning 'em.
        They lifted the frock
        And fondled the cock
Of the bishop as he was confirming 'em.

There was a bluestocking in Florence
Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
        Till a Spanish grandee,
        Got her off with his knee,
And she burned all her works with abhorrence.