Freebsd Limericks

There was a poor parson from Goring,
Who made a small hole in his flooring,
        Fur-lined it all round,
        Then laid on the ground,
And declared it was cheaper than whoring.

There was a strong man of Drumrig
Who one day did seven times frig.
        He buggered three sailors,
        Four dogs and two tailors,
And ended by fucking a pig.

There was a teenager named Donna
Who never said, "No, I don't wanna."
        Two days out of three
        She would shoot LSD,
And on weekends she smoked marijuana.

There was a young belle of old Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez.
        When comment arose
        On the state of her clothes
She, drawled, "When ah itchez, ah scratchez."

There was a young blade from South Greece
Whose bush did so greatly increase
        That before he could shack
        He must hunt needle in stack.
'Twas as bad as being obese.

There was a young bride, a Canuck,
Told her husband, "Let's do more than suck.
        You say that I, maybe,
        Can have my first baby--
Let's give up this Frenchin' and fuck!"

There was a young bride of Antigua
Whose husband said, "Dear me, how big you are!"
        Said the girl, "What damn'd rot!
        Why, you've only felt my twot,
My legs and my arse and my figua!"

There was a young chap in Arabia
Who courted a widow named Fabia.
        "Yes, my tongue is as long
         As the average man's dong,"
He said, licking the lips of her labia.

There was a young cook with the art
Of making a delicious tart
        With a handful of shit,
        Some snot and some spit,
And he'd flavor the whole with a fart.

There was a young curate whose brain
Was deranged from the use of cocaine;
        He lured a small child
        To a copse dark and wild,
Where he beat it to death with his cane.
                -- Edward Gorey