Freebsd Limericks

There was a young girl of Detroit
Who at fucking was very adroit:
        She could squeeze her vagina
        To a pin-point, or finer,
Or open it out like a quoit.

And she had a friend named Durand
Whose cock could contract or expand.
        He could diddle a midge
        Or the arch of a bridge --
Their performance together was grand!

There was a young girl of East Lynne
Whose mother, to save her from sin,
        Had filled up her crack,
        To the brim with shellac,
But the boys picked it out with a pin.

There was a young girl of Gibraltar
Who was raped as she knelt at the altar.
        It really seems odd
        That a virtuous God
Should answer her prayers and assault her.

There was a young girl of LLewellyn
Whose breasts were as big as a melon.
        They were big it is true,
        But her cunt was big too,
Like a bifocal, full-color, aerial view
Of Cape Horn and the Straits of Magellan.

There was a young girl of Mobile,
Who hymen was made of chilled steel,
        To give her a thrill,
        Took a rotary drill,
Or a number nine emery wheel.

There was a young girl of Moline
Whose fucking was sweet and obscene.
        She would work on a prick
        With every known trick,
And finish by winking it clean.

There was a young girl of Newcastle
Whose charms were declared universal.
        While one man in front
        Wired into her cunt,
Another was engaged at her arsehole.

There was a young girl of Pawtucket
Whose box was as big as a bucket.
        Her boy-friend said, "Toots,
        I'll have to wear boots,
For I see I must muck it, not fuck it."

There was a young girl of Penzance
Who boarded a bus in a trance.
        The passengers fucked her,
        Likewise the conductor,
While the driver shot off in his pants.

There was a young girl of Pitlochry
Who was had by a man in a rockery.
        She said, "Oh! You've come
        All over my bum;
This isn't a fuck -- it's a mockery."