Freebsd Limericks

There was a young harlot from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
        She said with a grin,
        "If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it too."

There was a young harlot named Schwartz
Whose cock-pit was studded with warts,
        And they tickled so nice
        She drew a high price
From the studs at the summer resorts.

Her pimp, a young fellow named Biddle,
Was seldom hard up for a diddle,
        For according to rumor
        His tool had a tumor
And a fine row of warts down the middle.

There was a young hayseed from Tiffan
Whose cock would constantly stiffen.
        The knob out in front
        Attracted foul cunt
Which he greatly delighted in sniffin'.

There was a young idler named Blood,
Made a fortune performing at stud,
        With a fifteen-inch peter,
        A double-beat metre,
And a load like the Biblical Flood.

There was a young Jew of Far Rockaway
Whose screams could be heard for a block away.
        Perceiving his error,
        The Rabbi in terror
Cried, "God! I have cut his whole cock away!"

There was a young lad - name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
        His father said, "Durcan
        Stop jerkin' your gherkin
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young lad from Nahant
Who was made like the Sensitve Plant.
        When asked, "Do you fuck?"
        He replied, "No such luck.
I would if I could but I can't."

There was a young lad from Siam,
Whose sexlife was caught in a jam.
        He loved them real small,
        'Cause they're funner to ball,
So he went out and bought him a lamb!

There was a young lad name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
        His father said, "Durcan!
        Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young lad name of Ward
Who strung himself up with a cord
        Said he, of his work
        (Ere the rope snapped with a jerk)
"I am leaving because I am bored."
                - E.A. Guest