Freebsd Limericks

There was a young idler named Blood,
Made a fortune performing at stud,
        With a fifteen-inch peter,
        A double-beat metre,
And a load like the Biblical Flood.

There was a young Jew of Far Rockaway
Whose screams could be heard for a block away.
        Perceiving his error,
        The Rabbi in terror
Cried, "God! I have cut his whole cock away!"

There was a young lad - name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
        His father said, "Durcan
        Stop jerkin' your gherkin
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young lad from Nahant
Who was made like the Sensitve Plant.
        When asked, "Do you fuck?"
        He replied, "No such luck.
I would if I could but I can't."

There was a young lad from Siam,
Whose sexlife was caught in a jam.
        He loved them real small,
        'Cause they're funner to ball,
So he went out and bought him a lamb!

There was a young lad name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
        His father said, "Durcan!
        Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young lad name of Ward
Who strung himself up with a cord
        Said he, of his work
        (Ere the rope snapped with a jerk)
"I am leaving because I am bored."
                - E.A. Guest

There was a young lad named McFee
Who was stung in the balls by a bee
        He made oodles of money
        By oozing pure honey
Every time he attempted to pee.

There was a young lady at sea
Who complained that it hurt her to pee.
        Said the brawny old mate,
        "That accounts for the state
Of the cook and the captain and me."

There was a young lady at sea
Who said, "God, how it hurts me to pee."
        "I see," said the mate,
        "That accounts for the state
Of the captain, the purser, and me."