Freebsd Limericks

There was a young lady named Mable
Who liked to sprawl out on the table,
        Then cry to her man,
        "Stuff in all you can --
Get your ballocks in, too, if you're able."

There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
        By coming out bare
        On the main village square
And frigging herself with a candle.

There was a young lady named Maud,
A terrible society fraud:
        In company, I'm told,
        She was distant and cold,
But if you got her alone, Oh God!

There was a young lady named May
Who strolled in a park by the way,
        And she met a youg man
        Who fucked her and ran --
Now she goes to the park every day.

There was a young lady named Nance
Who learned about fucking in France,
        And when you'd insert it
        She'd squeeze till she hurt it,
And shoved it right back in your pants.

There was a young lady named Nelly
Whose tits would jiggle like jelly.
        They could tickle her twat
        Or be tied in a knot,
And could even swat flies on her belly.

There was a young lady named Ransom
Who was raped three times in a hansom
        When she cried out for more
        Said a voice from the floor,
"My name, ma'am, is Simpson, not Samson

There was a young lady named Ransom
Who was rogered three times in a hansom.
        When she cried out for more
        A voice from the floor
Replied, "My name is Simpson, not Samson."

There was a young lady named Riddle
Who had an untouchable middle.
        She had many friends
        Because of her ends,
Since it isn't the middle you diddle.

There was a young lady named Rose
Who fainted whenever she chose;
        She did so one day
        While playing croquet,
But was quickly revived with a hose.
                -- Edward Gorey