Freebsd Limericks

There was a young lady named Rose
Who fainted whenever she chose;
        She did so one day
        While playing croquet,
But was quickly revived with a hose.
                -- Edward Gorey

There was a young lady named Rose
With erogenous zones in her toes.
        She remained onanistic
        Till a foot-fetishistic
Young man became one of her beaux.

There was a young lady named Schneider
Who often kept trysts with a spider.
        She found a strange bliss,
        In the hiss of her piss,
As it strained through the cobwebs inside her.

There was a young lady named Smith
Whose virtue was largely a myth.
        She said, "Try as I can
        I can't find a man
Who it's fun to be virtuous with."

There was a young lady named Twiss
Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
        For it tickled her bum
        And caused her to come
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There was a young lady named Wylde
Who kept herself quite undefiled
        By thinking of Jesus;
        Contagious diseases;
And the bother of having a child.

There was a young lady of Arden,
The tool of whose swain wouldn't harden.
        Said she with a frown,
        "I've been sadly let down
By the tool of a fool in a garden."

There was a young lady of Bicester
Who was nicer by far than her sister:
        The sister would giggle
        And wiggle and jiggle,
But this one would come if you kissed her.

There was a young lady of Brabant
Who slept with an impotent savant.
        She admitted, "We shouldn't,
        But it turned out he couldn't-
So you can't say we have when we haven't."

There was a young lady of Bude
Who walked down the street in the nude.
        A bobby said, "Whattum
        Magnificent bottom!"
And slapped it as hard as he could.